Last Night I had a Pure Romance party and for the first time, I had a ton of friends show up. Let me explain why this is odd for me. I am big on hosting get together's at my house, but until this past year, I never had more than one or two people show up.
That fact will sound odd to people as I am such a people person. I love networking and meeting new people and expanding my circle. Here is the catch- I have a hard time letting people in so invites to these get together's I am sure came off as 'oh she just wants me to come shop'. Even if the get together had no company attached, I am sure people thought I was still trying to sell them something.
My social skills aren't the best. I moved every year of my life for a while and I had (have anxiety) so I am like a deer in the headlights with people. I am sure if we have talked or messaged I have over shared what is normal for acquaintances- that's just me, I have no filter and I apologize if I have or ever do overshare and it makes you uncomfortable. I still feel like I am in high school sometimes as I was teased a lot for being fat (I wasn't, I just had huge boobs and wide hips) and there were a lot of two faced people- I just never knew where I stood. I am naturally not very trusting so I don't let many people get too close anymore.
I am unlearning those behaviors. I have been blessed with a lot of women who have come in to my life the past few years who have been ever so patient with me. They are all simply amazing and I specifically have three locally who will come over to my house, they will sweep my kitchen or sit with my kids and play so I can have a second or simply come over to just 'be' here. There are more than those three who I talk with daily or weekly to just chat, check in, how's life, your husband did what?!, I need business input, etc. You get the idea.
I'm like the cat they picked up at the shelter who was beaten up and abused and doesn't know how to be a cat. They have been patient and have put out food and affection for me to take on my terms and are always around when I need some more. Sometimes , all I want to do is a check in every so often to make sure they are still there. Sometimes, I will literally be glued to them and just want to be held and comforted.
And they do it. Because they love me. It's hard to accept your friends love they want to give you when you have never truly known it. But they stick it out, and I am so fucking thankful for them.
I am working on being the better friend who checks in on others. I try. I do. I am lackluster in it. I am trying to find better ways and just being better overall. If I have not been there for you, it isn't because I don't value you as a friend- I do more than you realize- it is because I either a) don't know how to check in or b) don't have the emotional energy. I'm learning and exercising those friend muscles and I am super thankful as they are all patient and there still.
I know I am not the only shelter cat in my circle either. The whole 'birds of a feather' thing definitely rings true. I want those friends to know I see you and I know and I am here to give you a hug or just hang out whenever you want to creep on over.
Last night, I had so many people here that two of us didn't have room on the couches- and I have three couches in my living room. I'm a hugger and each time I hugged someone it wasn't out of a hello hug 'obligation', it was genuine 'I love you friend and I am so happy you are here' affection if that makes sense. Having people show up and be present and there was one of the best gifts I know I will receive this holiday season. Thank you to everyone who made it, attended virtually, or sent me a message about it. I love, appreciate, and value each and every one of you so much.
Thanks for loving this shelter cat.