Updated: Feb 24, 2020
Let's set the scene:
My kids are being their worst selves, I'm cranky from some morning happenings, my daughter has just peed all over the floor (a rare occurrence at the age of 5 but that just makes it more frustrating), and my son is just about to pull down some curtains after I had told him three times to stay out of them.
I had a friend coming over at noon to check out the shop and catch up and I am literally on the verge of screaming bloody murder, locking these goblins in a closet and throwing away the key. I open up FB messenger to go shoot the friend a message to say "sorry, I'm not in the mood to be around people because my children have sucked my will to live out of me today- can we reschedule?"
At that second, I receive the most beautiful message you can receive in a hard morning of motherhood: "Can I snag you some coffee or something before I come over?"
Fuck. Yes. Praise. Jesus.
I still had some reservations about her coming over but I thought back to the times when I forced myself to to be social and the amazing feelings I had after each time. I made myself emerge from my living room set up desk and go in to the boutique, open the blinds wide and clean up the couch I habitually use as a dumping ground. Ten minutes later, she shows up, caffeine in hand, and we commence our three hour hang out session where we caught up on life, I made her try on a bunch of items (she left with every single one minus one she is picking up Friday), and (most importantly) we laughed a ton.
I have never been shy about my depression or anxiety since opening my boutique. I have this philosophy of being open and honest so no one feels like they are alone- or at least if they think their life is a mess they can just look at mine and feel better about their own. So believe me when I say I get wanting to stay in the dark cave of depression and anxiety. That monster in your head makes the idea feel so much cozier than being around people who make you smile and lift you up.
That is until you leave seeing your friends with a big smile on your face and the few hours has warmed you and you realize that the little monster in your head almost kept it away. That warmth sticks around for a few days and fuels you long enough to get a few things done. And then you are back to questioning if you should hang out with your friends again. Ugh.
Maybe this whole situation is foreign to you because all you want to do is hang out with people. So here is another example of the times you not wanting to do something being the time you need to the most!
Who has a list a million miles long? Be it for your personal life or a business (if you have one). The list is so daunting and it grows and grows and grows until it is taller than you and you are in the shadow of it in the fetal position feeling like "kill me now please".
Then it happens. Something falls right in front of your face and you have to deal with it because you have no choice. You complete the task and the list shrinks a little bit, allowing a ray of sunshine and warmth to fall on you. You use it to fuel conquering the next task, and the next until the list is gone and you are in the sunlight scoffing about how that was nothing and you should have done it sooner.
It is legitimately the same feeling. We all know we need to do these things because they are good for us, we have just fallen in to this negative self care routine. We need to remember that pushing ourselves, while it is so hard and can make us throw fits internally of "I don't wanna", is going to leave us feeling so good, will help fill our cups, and keep us moving forward each day. How do you know you need to do something? The times you don't want to do something are the times you NEED to.
I challenge you, if you have cancelled on a friend recently, send them a message and set something new up. If you know you have a list of things you should do, write the list out in FULL and aim to conquer three items a day until the list is left empty.
You've got this beautiful. You deserve that happiness coming your way!