To the ones who walked away,
There has been many a sleepless night where I spent wondering what I did to cause you to leave; afternoons filled with anxiety filling my stomach; drives trying to decipher what I did.
It doesn't matter if its been seven years, 12 months, or 18 days. The last time we talked haunts me.
Some days I think I have it figured out. "It was this moment where I did this thing. I shouldn't have said that or done that or I should have known how to handle this situation better." Other times I know I wasn't evolved enough in who I was as a person to do better.
Certain days I'm angry. Who just walks out with no explanation? I think about how you 'owe' me a cause so I can at least see if I need to fix and change how I reacted to do better.
As of late, it has culminated into acceptance. People come and go. I preach to people that if someone is causing you distress you owe them nothing and can remove them from your life. For a select few, I genuinely hope that is the issue and I was causing you some form of stress you couldn't deal with at that time. The only other explanation in my head was you weren't a good enough person to actually discuss it out or that walking away is just what you do.
I would rather be at blame than to have the idol of you I have developed in my mind destroyed and replaced by a lesser idea.
I know how messed up that is and that is why I am finally letting the pain go.
You will no longer haunt me.
I have genuinely wished you love and happiness from the moment you left. We all deserve that and I will always wish it for others, no matter our status.
I am shutting down our sleepless nights, our anxiety filled afternoons, and the deciphering drives. I will no longer spend energy on you. I will set the idea of you free just like you did to me however long ago. I hope the piece of you I have held on to returns and allows you to be whole.
Thank you for helping me to grow and to realize we can't always fix or repair every aspect of ourselves. What others may view as broken or lacking is all a personal preference, and it is time I lived up to my own views instead of yours.
Peace be with you.